Have you ever met someone that exudes so much confidence you can’t help but be drawn towards them? Perhaps even envy that confidence? I know I have. I’m going to venture out and say there’s probably more people in this world that struggle with self confidence than people who have mastered the self confidence game. It’s unfortunate, but we live in a society that thrives off of people’s insecurities. At the end of the day, that’s why the diet industry makes millions of dollars per year. Building self confidence is not easy. It requires getting to know yourself and becoming comfortable with who you are, despite society telling you otherwise.
I have personally struggled with low self confidence for most of my life. However, there are a few things I have found really help. I wanted to share them in the hopes that I can help others in building self confidence.
Building Self Confidence: There’s No One Like You
First and foremost I want you to know you are incredibly special and worthy. From now on I want you to remember that. There’s no one like you and that’s what makes you unique. Sometimes we get in the habit of trying to be like someone else. I’ve done it, I know other people who’ve done it. But the truth is we weren’t born to be someone else’s copy (even if you’re a twin you’re not 100% the same). It’s okay to admire someone else’s personality traits and even draw inspiration from that for your life. For example, if you admire someone else’s kindness, let that encourage you to be kinder. If you admire someone else’s dedication, let that motivate you. But don’t try to be just like someone else. You too have so much to contribute to society, don’t let your gifts go to waste trying to be someone you’re not.
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
Now that we’ve gone over how special you are, let’s explore why it’s so hard to accept that. Most of us are always comparing ourselves to other people. Truly though, comparison is the thief of joy. There’s nothing worse for our self confidence than constantly comparing ourselves to others. It leads to us feeling like we’re never enough and we start losing the essence of who we are. Suddenly we forget how special we are and try to start acting like someone else.
The grass will always be greener on the other side, and I’m gonna let you in on a secret. No matter how confident someone appears to be, they’ll still have at least one thing they’re insecure about. Maybe what you admire most in someone else is exactly what they feel insecure about. Instead of focusing on comparing ourselves to others, focus on everything you love about yourself. If you find someone you truly admire, let them know you appreciate them. However, don’t let their positives turn into negatives for you.
Practice Self Compassion
The truth is no one’s perfect. *Gasp* I know! Feeling genuinely confident in ourselves involves acknowledging we’re not perfect. Self confidence is not feeling like we have no flaws, but rather awareness and celebration of our strengths and areas we need to improve on. Notice I did not say weaknesses because if we label it that way, it gives it a more negative connotation. Rather, there’s things we can work on to develop a certain level of expertise. That’s how we practice self compassion. Instead of saying “you suck at public speaking” change it to “public speaking is something I’m working on getting better at.” With this mindset shift we allow ourselves to grow in a respectful and loving way, as opposed to criticizing ourselves and even missing out on opportunities to improve.
Speak to Yourself Like you would to a BFF
Just like you’d tell your best friend you love them exactly for who they are, you wouldn’t let them compare themselves to someone else, and you’d ask them to be more gentle with themselves, you should treat yourself that way. At the end of the day the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. The next time you’re thinking negative thoughts or putting yourself down, ask yourself if you’d say any of those things to your BFF. The truth is we’re our own worst critics, but if we learned to love ourselves like we do our best friends we’d be unstoppable.
Fake It ’Til You Make It
Now I know this isn’t the greatest advice but the truth is you gotta fake it until you genuinely believe it. Practicing all of the above will help, but it’s not like a switch you can turn off to stop comparing yourself to someone else. Much like other healthy habits, you need to develop these until they’re second-nature. Even if today you’re not feeling too confident, walk up to a mirror and tell yourself you are worthy of everything you’ve worked hard for. It may feel weird at first. It may not feel genuine, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Practice compassion every day. Set affirmations you say aloud in front of a mirror. Tell yourself how much you love yourself and appreciate your own company. Acknowledge someone else’s strength without putting yourself down. Practice, practice, practice. It will become so much easier over time until you’re that person other people admire for their confidence.
This isn’t a quick fix. This isn’t a permanent solution. It’s something you’ll most likely work on for the rest of your life (it gets easier though). Like I mentioned above, we will always have at least one thing we feel insecure about. The goal is to not let that insecurity control us. The goal is to learn to love ourselves exactly for who we are. And if you’re having doubts, just know I believe in you. Know that while I still struggle with insecurities, I’ve been able to overcome so much and I know you will too. I’m sending you all the positive vibes and know I’m here for you, always.
